Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
