dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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