I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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