You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
