We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
