I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
