Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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