i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
