We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
