You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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