There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
