Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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