dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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