He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
