I think i peed on brittanys purse
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
