my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
