Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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