I just pynch a tree in the face
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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