Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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