She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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