I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
