I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
