my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
