you have to choose: penises or morals?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
