You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i wish my penis had a tongue
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
operation have a gay friend backfired
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
