Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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