just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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