Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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