Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
