I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
