I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
