Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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