I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
