So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
