Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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