i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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