i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
