Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
NoShamevember. You game?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
