Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
