I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize