i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
and she was petting her beer can
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
