oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
