Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
