I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
