I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
