i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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