just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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