Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
