now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
