do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
